Seven Days
by DeadPoet0712
Summary: Seven days. That's all it took for Todd Anderson to follow in the footsteps of Neil Perry. Seven long, painful days. Chapter Series. Rated T for mentions of suicide and other mature matters.
1. The Beginning

Seven Days

Series

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Dead Poets Society. If I did, would I be writing this? Although, Knox does beg for me to change that. Think it'll happen?**

**A/N: I've been thinking about this idea for awhile and decided to turn it into a short series. I dunno how long short is in my book so we'll see. I hope you enjoy it! This is mostly just a set up but I felt it was very important to include it.**

The sound of the bell tower striking midnight reverberated through the still night air of Welton Academy. Todd Anderson lay wide-awake in bed with tired blue eyes. It was the same routine every night. The boys of Welton all got ready for bed at exactly 9:30pm under the watchful eye of a faculty member. Each boy clamored for a spot at one of the sinks to brush their teeth and others for a drink of water at the fountain. The boys were also either hurrying to finish a shower or were stuck waiting until morning. Life was so predictable at an all boys school that it hurt.

It didn't use to be so bad. When Neil Perry was still alive there was some spirit to the conformity. He would sometimes hum as the two readied themselves for bed. The goofy grin lit up the room The sparkle in his eye outdid any diamond. And now there was nothing but emptiness on the other half of the dorm. The only thing there was, was a cold mattress and heartache. After the clock hit 10:00pm the halls grew silent. The next eight to nine hours were his own personal hell of distant memories and the faded past. Times spent lounging along the lake and days walking along the fields and paths came to his mind's eye. Nights of laughter in the cave and running through the forest wrenched his heart the most. If there was anything he could do. Anything he could give up at all to bring back their Neil, _his_ Neil, he'd do it in an instant. His world had been revolving around the other boy. He was his sphere of influence. He wrote about the only Perry heir in his poetry. He was the reason why he had friends. Neil was the reason he was a Dead Poet and damn it, he was at least going to make it clear for him to be proud.

This was the first night of many Todd would be sleeping alone in the dorm. Next year he would have some new roommate but that one would never come close to being like Neil. No one had ever been able to understand him until he came along. They had always just assumed he was some kind of shy freak. He remembered one boy he had roomed with had been so sure he was going to be a future serial killer just because he was so quiet and gazed in on situations with his crystal blue eyes. How wrong they had all been. No one had known Todd would bloom into a writer. No one had pushed him hard enough or pushed his buttons to get him to actually give a damn about what happened in his life. Now that the one person who brought meaning to it was gone, what was there left to do? Todd rolled over onto his side to look over at the empty bed and was surprised to feel a wetness fall onto his hand. And then there was another drop and another. And it surprised him so much to feel that he had grown so numb that he hadn't even realized the tears had been his own.

The next two hours that followed felt like an eternity. Wave after wave of new tears would reach the surface of his eyes. Right when he thought he'd be okay to try and get some sleep some random memory or vague image of Neil would suddenly throw itself to the forefront of his mind and throw him out of his drifting stage. Unable to stand it for any longer Todd rolled onto his stomach and stuffed his face into the pillow. The smothering feeling was surprisingly comforting. Was this what if felt like? To be able to control your destiny without anyone else's approval? That keeping your face buried long enough meant slow, sure, steady suffocation but instant gratitude on being the one to do it? To not have someone telling you what to do anymore and that this was the one thing they couldn't control? And they'd be left with all of the questions and burial arrangements. Was this what had been going through Neil's mind in the last few seconds? Or was it the face of his friends, Todd in front, surrounding his freshly covered gravesite?

_And now he was running. Running like no tomorrow. Like the burning air going through his lungs was the only thing keeping him going._ _He could see Neil standing at the edge of the forest, waiting for him. His hand was outstretched and a calm smile was resting upon his face. He was steady and alive as ever. They were to go to their cave and read poetry. And laugh and joke and fall asleep as they stumbled their way back to the dorms at two in the morning like old times. Just the two of them together to face the world and chase back their fears. They could accomplish anything they wanted. They were an unbreakable force. A team with a bond so deep no one could even begin to penetrate it. It was as deep as the bottom of the ocean and as never ending as the sky. Right before Todd was about to reach Neil and take his hand, he was suddenly gone. His laugh could be heard ringing through the forest as Todd continued to frantically run, searching for him everywhere possible. The laughter began to become too much and way too loud. He dropped to his knees, his hands covering his ears and his eyes squeezed shut. And then suddenly it stopped. Todd slowly uncovered his ears and opened his eyes. He looked down at the ground when it felt wet, finding himself kneeling in a puddle of fresh, warm blood. The trail led to a few feet away where Neil was staring at him with wide, unseeing eyes. A scream tore from his throat._

And now he was awake, finding himself screaming for real with Knox holding onto him tightly, restraining him from hurting himself in his sleep. Pitts and Meeks were nervously hovering over the bed while Cameron was nowhere to be seen. That was just fine with him. He wouldn't have it any other way. Todd's screaming stopped when he realized it was just a dream. A nightmare really but he couldn't shake it. He was trembling, sweat matting the hair above his forehead and he shoved his face back into the pillow. He could hear Meeks and Pitts shuffling back to their room after a few silent minutes. Knox patted the top of Todd's head before disappearing to try and get some more sleep. For a moment he believed he was alone. Until the squeak of bedsprings shifted and someone sat down beside him. The smell of cigarette smoke and cologne filled his senses and he knew it was Charlie. Without any words, the two lay there together under the blankets because of the freezing weather, the heater working hard, and staring up at the dark ceiling without truly feeling anything at all. The two poets just found solace in the company. The clock chimed suddenly and at 12:01am, it signaled the beginning of day number one.

**A/N: Yes, I know Charlie was expelled but this was for the night of Neil's funeral. Besides, we all want Charlie to stick around so he just might. We'll see!**


	2. Day One

Seven Days

Series

Day One

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Dead Poets Society. If I did, would I be writing this? If anything, I would be writing a sequel about the next generation of poets if I owned it.**

**A/N: I know, I know. Bad author for not updating for over a month. Hey, here I am though and updating. The college life is something unpredictable and all. I want to thank all of you who reviewed last time. I love hearing your thoughts! So please, enjoy, read and review as always.**

_The clock chimed suddenly and at 12:01am, it signaled the beginning of day number one._

Early in the morning, the hushed sound of shuffling footsteps in the hallway, and muffled voices of fellow students was enough to wake up Todd. He rolled over, his eyes still shut, and surprised to feel that someone was in the bed next to him. He knew who it was instantly, but that one naïve, hopeful part of his brain let him pretend it was Neil. That he could curl up into the boy and hear the heartbeat and strong, deep, steady breaths that were radiating from his body. That same heart that had held so much passion and love for life. The same heart that was soon to be six feet under, surrounded by wood and velvet. His stomach rolled at the thought and he opened his eyes, coming face to face with the sleeping form of Charlie Dalton. The thought of getting up was terrifying. It was the day of Neil's funeral and Todd wasn't sure if he would be able to make it through. He would though. He would because the others needed him, and Neil would want him to be strong.

Sighing, he propped himself up on his elbow and shook his friend. When he got no response he rolled his eyes and shook him harder. "Charlie! Wake up," he told him softly.

Charlie groaned and rolled over, hiding his face in Todd's pillow. "Go away," he groaned.

Todd raised an eyebrow. "This is my room, Charlie."

That seemed to wake Charlie up because he lifted his head from the pillow and glanced around. "Oh. You're right," he mumbled before sitting up. Todd followed his example.

As if by some silent agreement, the two looked over at Neil's bed at the same time and stared. It wasn't going to be easy for any of them. It'd be incredibly hard for Charlie. But for Todd, it'd be like going to his own funeral as well. Todd cleared his throat to speak first. "I guess we should get ready." Charlie nodded and got up, wandering back to his dorm to get changed.

Todd continued to sit there for a moment before getting up. He smoothed out the blankets on his bed and fluffed his pillow into place. It was made the same way he did every morning. Some level of normalcy was a great comfort to him. He had showered the night before and he was due at the hall soon. He had to change. Todd wandered over to the closet that he used to share and opened it. A black suit hung there as if in a way to mock him. Glaring, he tore it off the hanger and ripped off his pajamas before pulling it on. The dress shirt sat smoothly on his torso and the tie was correctly in place. Todd's shoes were pulled on next and he grabbed his bag of toiletries.

After drawing in a deep breath, he exited the dorm and pulled the door shut behind him. All of the boys of the school were to attend the funeral that was taking place not too far from campus. It was in the local cemetery since Neil's parents found it fitting. After all, they believed their son had his greatest moments at Welton. They were so close yet so far off it was a shame. He practically stumbled down the hall and into the bathroom. Without even looking at a mirror yet, he brushed his teeth, taking his time since he was already so exhausted.

The next phase was to try and comb his hair. Todd shoved his toothbrush back into the bag before removing the comb. When his eyes hit the mirror he gasped quietly in surprise and nearly dropped the plastic comb in the sink. _What happened to him? _His usually sparkling eyes were dull. He had never seen them this way before. Sure, when he was sick they were lacking luster. But now? They looked as if he were a dead man walking already. He was pale and he looked like he had been through hell the night before. Which literally, was quite right. He hurriedly combed and smoothed out his hair before hurrying from the bathroom and tossing his things back into his room. If Todd could barely face himself, how was he to face this?

Once all of the guys were ready, they meandered down to the main hall to gather with everyone else who was going. The faculty and boys in their grade were all there. Neil's family would already be at the gravesite and a few of the older and younger boys were there as well. Neil's parents had sent for two cars for their son's closest friends. They needed to get there first and it was easier. The car pulled up and Todd crawled into the back, pressed in-between Charlie and Meeks. Pitts, Cameron and Knox took the second car that came up behind them. Silence was the way to go for the car ride over. The driver didn't bother saying anything and none of the boys felt like it. Each of them was mentally preparing themselves for what was about to take place.

Todd hadn't even realized they'd arrived until the car came to a stop. As if on auto-pilot, he followed Meeks out of the car and into the main building of the cemetery. Mr. Perry was there and Todd's gaze immediately dropped to the floor. He found that he could barely stand to look at him. In fact, he couldn't so he just nodded as the six boys were given instructions. In ten minutes, once everyone was situated they were to carry the casket out to the lawn where Neil was to be buried. In a way it was an honor to be carrying a casket. That was a whole lot of trust. On the other hand, Todd would be carrying the casket of his dead best friend on his shoulder. At the mere mental image he trembled and only stopped when he felt Charlie's hand on his back to steady him. Out of all of them, Charlie could see through him the best. And Todd wasn't sure if that was such a good thing or not.

Ten minutes slowly passed by with the boys awkwardly waiting in the front room. One of the cemetery workers gently told them that everyone was ready for them. Todd could see the pity in her eyes and he loathed her for it. None of them should be there right now. It wasn't right. _Goddammitt, Neil! This shouldn't be happening! _Gulping, the procession of boys was led to the casket they were to carry. It was a richly colored, dark wood. The kind of wood that Neil loved. And already, as they all took their spots Todd could feel a lump growing in his throat. Charlie was on the left side and at the front while Todd was at the front and on the right. Simultaneously, each boy lifted the casket and they left the building. Their walk was slow and morose, faces from the nearby plot already turning to look at them. As they walked down the stairs the weight inside could be felt and shifted every so slightly. And Todd barely managed to hold back a cry of anguish. That was Neil inside. Their leader. Their friend. _His everything_. And there wasn't a fucking thing any of them could do about it.

Todd tried to mask any kind of emotion on his face. He didn't want to have a complete breakdown around the crowd of people that Neil knew. No, this wasn't the right time. This wasn't the right place. Carefully, the boys placed the casket on the machine that would lower it into the ground. Even though the physical weight was gone from his body, it now felt tripled to Todd. Still silent, he took his spot near the front with the friends he had left and stared at the casket as the pastor spoke. The pastor spoke of the Lord and his love. He spoke of redemption and of how Neil Perry would find peace. He spoke of how everyone there today loved him in one way or another. And then he spoke of how even though suicide was a sin, he would still manage to find peace in the way they all prayed for the Lord to forgive him and have mercy on his soul. And as the casket started to lower in the ground and the pastor led them in pray, Todd shattered. He had been cracked and jagged and broken before. But who the hell could do this? Who the hell could say Neil might not be at peace unless they controlled it? They were even trying to control Neil in death and Todd felt like he couldn't breathe. And as soon as the casket reached the Earth at the bottom of the grave, Todd ran.

_I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Neil! _He just couldn't take it any longer. He'd tried so hard to just stand there and play the dutiful role of the best friend. But with everyone being there and everything that was being said and done, he had faltered. Todd knew people where watching him run and he could hear Knox and Charlie calling after him. He had no idea where he was going or what he was doing but he just had to move. Todd ran from the cemetery, his suit jacket blowing open in the wind as he ran down the sidewalk and his dress shoes making loud slapping sounds on the pavement as he went across the street. He dodged a car, nearly missing being hit by it and headed into the open field. Todd raced through it, the snow sloshing up onto his pants as he did. The cold was setting in from it but he didn't care. He felt much too alive and vulnerable while Neil was dead and unfeeling. The numbness from the snow that was setting into his limbs only matched the second half of his heart.

Todd turned when he heard his name again but kept running. He could see Knox across the street but Charlie dashing across the field after him. Panting, he managed to shout back at them. "Leave me alone!" he ordered. It must have been his tone and the panic in his eyes but it stopped Charlie cold and helpless as Todd finished with the field and entered the forest. Stumbling over rocks and fallen tree limbs, he made his way deeper into the heart of the woods. His leather dress shoes were scuffed and getting ruined. His tie had gone loose and a bush had torn his jacket. But still, he didn't stop running. The way it felt like his heart was going to burst from the lack of oxygen only fueled him on more. His vision had gone blurry from the tears that were now shamelessly streaking down his cheeks and dropping to the frozen floor. His breaths were turned more complicated from the running and sobbing. The sounds of his heartbreak echoed across the frozen, snow covered forest without a living being in site.

Unsure of how much time had passed, Todd found himself in a familiar part of the forest. Yes, he knew where he was. His mind must've found it without him even realizing it. Two more sharp right turns and the old Indian cave came into view. Desperate, Todd flung himself inside, tripping over one of the lower rocks and skidding on the cave floor. His hands were covered in a mixture from the snow seeping in from the opening and the deep crimson of blood. Instead of getting up, Todd lay there, defeated on the ground and sobbed. "Neil!" he cried. "Oh God, Neil!" And with those two exclamations, Todd shattered the rest of the way down and was a few hours closer to his demise.

**A/N: I summed it up but I figured it was a pretty decent way to stop for a chapter. Right?**


	3. Day Two

Seven Days

Series

Day Two

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Dead Poets Society. If I did, would I be writing this? No, I'd be cuddled up in bed with Neil and Knox.**

**A/N: I just finished up my college classes for the summer. I now have a little under a month off before I start for fall. I'm going to try and use that to my advantage by filling it with writing. I realize I should've updated this sooner but I have to be in a certain mood to make angst work. Anyhow, please review and I hope you enjoy it!**

_And with those two exclamations, Todd shattered the rest of the way down and was a few hours closer to his demise._

The next morning, Todd woke to find himself lying on the freezing cave floor. He stayed there, just staring up at the opening where some of the snow was dripping through. Any other time the cold would've gotten him to his feet but this kind just went along with what he was feeling. The numbness was a comfort that matched the own numbness in every ache of his body. Breathing out a sigh, his warm breath mixed with the cold air and created that fog from the temperature differences. Todd watched in awe. One moment it was there, the other it wasn't. Just like Neil.

Knowing he couldn't stay there forever, he rolled over onto his stomach and got to his feet. Todd brushed dirt and snow from his clothes before shakily making his way out of the cave. He glanced over his shoulder one last time to take everything in. In his heart, he knew it would be the last time he would most likely ever be able to come here. He took in the pile of burnt twigs in the center of the cave, the walls, the rocks, the God of the cave. Most of all, he took in images of past nights spent here, ghosts that would now only exist in his memory. Those ghosts would haunt him forever.

Todd figured he was in deep trouble so he took his time getting back to the school. His palms and knees throbbed from the fall he had taken the afternoon before. He used the pain to urge himself on. To take it and make himself stronger. Anything at this point was worth a shot. As he edged out of the woods, an eerie silence greeted him. No boys were in sight and the school was absolutely still. It was early morning so he was hoping to get in unnoticed. Todd found his way to his dorm and grabbed his toiletry bag, not daring to look at the empty bed that once belonged to Neil. Hoping to get cleaned up before punished, he disappeared into the bathroom for a shower and a fresh change of clothes.

DPSDPSDPSDPSDPSDPSDPSDPSDPS

Hours later, he found himself in another dorm room. Richard Cameron was nowhere insight as Charlie angrily hurled his belongings into a suitcase. The only Dalton heir had been expelled for punching the fink right in the face. Todd had wanted to hit Cameron himself but he had been too afraid to. Friends weren't supposed to stab each other in the back. Keating was innocent, yet Cameron had just ruined his life. In the end, Charlie had spoken for all of them and took it as a way to get expelled. At least one of the poets had escaped this place. This prison of memories. As Todd watched Charlie move on from his empty desk, he tried to figure out just what to say. He was the only one currently there since the others had feared for their lives at Charlie's wrath. They were all giving him some time to calm down but Todd figured he had nothing to lose. When what you love is taken away from you, you can do some pretty stupid things.

At the violent sound of the belt buckle hitting the edge of the suitcase, Todd flinched and remembered he needed to talk to Charlie about all of this. He swallowed thickly as he tried to gather all of his words and emotions together. Nothing lately was easy. He needed to acclimate himself to it. "Charlie?" he asked calmly.

"Hm?" Charlie hummed in a reply as he continued to empty his closet full of clothes.

Todd shifted his weight on the bed. He hadn't even gone near Cameron's bed so he was sitting on Charlie's. "What are you going to do?" he questioned.

Charlie shrugged. "My parents will be here in just a few hours to pick me up. From there, I'm going home and going to plot how to get back here to murder Cameron in his sleep. After that, probably some other prep school with a continuous hell that's worse."

Leave it to Charlie to make it dramatic. Todd sighed. "What are…_we_ supposed to do?"

It was obvious whom Todd was speaking of. All of the poets, minus Neil, were still stuck there and dealing with the aftermath. "You guys, Todd…you guys need to finish up the year and get the grades your parents want." At least it seemed like the best thing to do since they were already under such intense scrutiny at the moment. "Keep the poet spirit alive."

Todd furrowed his brow in thought. "How can we do that? They'll be making sure we don't wander out to the cave anymore. You won't be there…Cameron surely won't be around us anymore…Neil won't be there." He swallowed thickly as tears pricked at his eyes.

Charlie finished packing up all of his things and zipped up the few suitcases he had before sighing. "Nothing stays the same forever, Todd." He sat down beside his friend and stared down at his dress shoes. "You're smart, Todd. You'll figure something out. Just make sure you take good care of Pitts and Meeks, all right? And you know Knox needs to be looked after." That boy was a danger to himself and now Charlie wouldn't be there to protect him.

Breathing in deeply, Todd nodded. "We'll stick together." They weren't anything at all like Cameron. They were going to be a support system for each other. To get through the rest of the year and anything else that came their way. All Todd knew was that it was going to take him forever to get over these events. "I don't know though, Charlie. We're all going to miss you, obviously."

Charlie smirked and draped an arm over Todd's shoulders in a friendly way. "Oh, we'll stay in contact through letters and phone calls. Hell, there's the summer. I'll bug you so much you'll wish I was gone." His eyes ended up softening and his smirk disappeared. It was obvious just how much this was weighing on both of them.

Todd smile just a tiny bit. The first time he had in days. "Yeah, but you got me out of the fire this morning. You lied so easily about how you'd found me and I had fallen asleep in your dorm. Thanks for that, by the way." It was thanks to Charlie that he wasn't in detention for months.

Charlie shrugged. "No problem. As long as Cameron doesn't open his fat mouth again, you should be fine."

"I don't think he'll be doing much talking. That was one hell of a punch."

Both the boys ended up smirking at that. Cameron deserved so much more than that but it was better not to go to prison for assault. As the minutes ticked by, they realized just how little time they had left together. In a few minutes, they'd go spend the rest of Charlie's time with some friends before he had to leave. They'd sneak up to a different attic to avoid Cameron or faculty. At least then it'd feel like they were protected. They would be tucked away secretly from the eyes of the others. That's what they needed the most in their weakened state. Anything Todd wanted to say to Charlie alone had to be now or never.

"Charlie?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

Charlie looked over at Todd in confusion. "For what?"

"For everything. For being my friend. For punching Cameron. For being yourself. For just being there."

Charlie was silent as he thought over what Todd had said. "Todd?"

"Yeah?"

For the very first and most likely last time, Charlie tugged Todd over into a hug. The two friends tightened their grip on each other for all of the moral and emotional support they needed. And before Todd could even say something, he could feel warm tears leaking through the shoulder of his shirt. It was then that it hit him harder than ever. Charlie Dalton was just as hurt as him but he covered them up better. And in that moment, Todd had never felt so intimate with something. Charlie was letting down his walls and letting Todd in. The pieces of Todd's heart shattered again into even smaller pieces, adding Charlie's burden to his own.

And at the end of the next hour, as the Dalton car drove away, Todd could feel the wedge be jammed further between his heart and head. Reality was becoming too much to bear and his last few days were tumbling by with no stop in sight.

**A/N: I realize this was a little less angsty than normal but I figured that we needed a goodbye chapter for Charlie.**


	4. Day Three

Seven Days

Series

Day Three

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Dead Poets Society. If I did, would I be writing this? No, I'd be out with the poets in the cave and enjoying the magic of literature as well. I also do not own any poetry I used in here. I'm not that brilliant. You will obviously recognize the one poem and the other material I got from actually using search engines. Even ordinary people can write wonders in poetry.**

**A/N: I started the new semester of college today and I decided to try and update this while I had the chance. I already have homework that I need to do but I felt like this needs to be updated first. Love me, yes? Anyhow, please enjoy and leave a review! They keep me motivated to write more and update quicker.**

"_All of you, down. I want you seated! Do you hear me? Sit down!" Nolan commanded the class of juniors._

_Keating stared at all of the boys standing on their desks in wonder. "Thank you, boys. Thank you."_

Todd kept playing the scene from his English class over and over again in his mind. He had no idea what compelled him to do it exactly. Suddenly, the overwhelming urge to let Keating know swelled to the surface. It was the last chance he had and he knew it. The boys would be kept away from their favorite teacher and all contact information would be kept confidential. That was why he had sprung to his feet when before one could barely get a word out of him before. If he had the chance to do it over again, he wouldn't change a thing. So many other classmates and friends had shown their support. Keating was right. Words can make a difference and change the lives of others. If they wanted to, they could manage to change the world with their ideas. How much exactly all depended upon the people involved.

As the door clicked shut behind their Captain, the boys had stayed standing on their desks. An eerie silence settled over the room briefly as the gravity of the situation sunk in for everyone. As soon as Nolan recovered he began barking orders. One by one, the boys stood down from their desks and Todd was the last one to do so. "Anderson!" Nolan barked. "Out of this class! I'll deal with you later!"

The poet stood there for a second before just gathering his things and leaving the classroom. He noticed the smile Knox shot his way and he managed a wary one back. At least the actions of giving Keating a proper farewell hadn't caused his friends to get into trouble. Well, at least so far they seemed to be okay. He was ready to take on the full punishment for his actions. Anything was worth it to show to the others what needed to be done. Todd wandered back to his dorm to drop off his books.

After settling everything on his side of the room he tried to figure out what to do with the rest of his spare time for the day. He had homework of course. When didn't they have homework? It was as if this whole school lived and breathed for it. By the end of the year, each student probably used a good amount of the forest. That's when he realized something. Everyone else was either in class or working. No one would notice if he slipped away out towards the cave and for a walk in the woods. In fact, it was rather exhilarating to think about. Pulling on his sweater, he quickly exited the dorm. Todd didn't get too far down the hall when he heard a voice call for him. Stopping, he turned around and noticed it was Cameron.

His jaw clenched. "What do you want, Richard?" he asked coldly.

"Nolan says he wants you to go wait in his office. He's going to end class early so he can deal with it," Cameron sneered.

Todd clenched his jaw harder. Cameron probably volunteered to do this just to make the poets even madder. Without saying a word, he stormed past the ginger boy and to Nolan's office. He took the correct seat and sat there as patiently as he could. About fifteen or so minutes passed until Nolan entered the small office. The older man took a seat behind the desk and the two eyed each other.

"Mr. Anderson, what you did back there was completely disrespectful to me and it broke the rule of following an instructor's orders," Nolan began.

Todd just nodded numbly. He didn't care to hear it. He didn't give a damn about any of it. All he cared about was Keating, poetry, his friends, surviving the school year and Neil. Damn it, Neil. Just damn it.

"I understand that you are going through a difficult time. Many of Mr. Perry's friends are and I want to try and let you off a little easier for the time being. This is your warning. If you act out again, you will be expelled."

Again, Todd just nodded. He wasn't really listening all that much to what Nolan was saying. Nothing mattered anymore except what Neil would have wanted and how Todd was going to get through another day without him. That one point in time with Keating gave him firmer ground to stand on for himself and he felt a little more energy rise within him from the recharge. He could get through this third day. He just had to.

Nolan continued. "As punishment, you will serve detention every day for three weeks after classes for two hours. You will either use the time to study or for other assignments that are given to you. Sports will be put on hold for three weeks as well, we will contact your parents and you are banned from off campus days for the next two months. Have I made myself clear?"

When Todd didn't answer he was prodded again. He nodded. "Yes, Mr. Nolan," he mumbled.

Nolan stared for a moment before sighing. "I wish things didn't have to be this way, Mr. Anderson. However, rules are rules and we cannot make an exception. I hope you understand that." Getting no response again, he sighed once more. "You're excused. Punishment goes into effect tomorrow."

Taking that as his cue to leave, Todd rose from the borrowed chair and left the stuffy office. Classes were still in session and if he didn't waste time, he would most likely be able to get to the forest and back without any kind of complication. Glancing around to make sure the coast was the clear, he exited the building and headed for the tree line. Once near it, he broke into a run and entered the forest with ease. Again, the feeling of swelling happiness and bittersweet memories broke into his chest and he slowed to a leisurely walk.

At that moment, one of Keating's favorite poems came to mind and had never been clearer. Todd forced a small laugh under his breath. "I went to the woods…" he started and trailed off. It was then that he felt it. The simple act of reciting poetry out loud and lingering in the forest he spent time with Neil brought him closer. It brought him closer to Neil and he could just feel it. If he was going insane, he didn't care. The rush built back up inside of him and he tried it again.

Todd recited with ease, "I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived."

Somehow, with obvious clarity Neil was with him again. If Todd closed his eyes long enough, he could make out the vision of his best friend's smiling face. His heart stuttered at that before kicking into overdrive. No matter how sick this made him, the fact that it made him feel better was all the more worth it. Todd walked deeper into the woods, the foliage getting thicker as he went. The further he dug himself in, the deeper he felt himself being lodged into Neil's memory and he could hear the beating of his heart.

The thought of going back to the cold, lonely dorm room spurred on not only the movement of his mouth but also his feet. Todd swallowed thickly. His own words were suddenly pouring from his heart. "My heart will never let you go, I'll never say good bye. A lot of my hours are now spent in the place where you lay, as I sit crying, wondering, who would you be today." Neil had had so much potential and it had all gone to waste. He truly could've been anything he pleased. His father just wouldn't see to reason. That was the most upsetting thing. The idiot couldn't even see the truth to his own son's demise right before his eyes when it was his entire fault. Then again, he wouldn't be able to come to terms with it being his fault. It had to be some kind of sick, twisted coping mechanism.

Todd continued to walk until the air grew cooler and the sun started to lower in the sky. Coming to a stop, he plopped down on a fallen tree trunk and he stared up at the treetops. He wasn't worried about being lost. He had just walked straight into the forest and he could walk straight back out. He drew in a deep breath and then realized something.

Time could pass just as easily was water rushing down a stream but it didn't mean it would heal anything. Scars could so get new wounds and take months to heal. Scars stayed around. Sometimes, they marred the flesh forever. Neil had become a scar. One Todd would never want to erase or lose from his heart, mind and soul. Neil helped Todd become who he was today, for better or for worse. He was just going to have to take the good with the bad and try to deal with. The problem was, the seventeen year old just didn't know how to deal with it.

As he stared up at the sky, the same sky that Neil used to stare up at, he drew in a shaky breath that was full of uncertainties. That's when Todd realized something else. That sometimes the only way to stop hurting is to stop breathing.

**A/N: I hope you liked it! Again, I never have a true plan as to where the stories I write will take me. I just take the moment I have while writing and go with it. That's just how I work.**


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